Stress Free

If someone would have told me that this year was going to bring a flurry of emotions and stress I would believe them. However, I was not prepared nor do I think I could have ever been for the amount of mix emotions and the stress that I have encountered during this year. In this one year that I have to be a dweller, I went from being a college student where my life was focused around school and what I needed to do to help myself succeed, to stepping out of my comfort zone into a city, culture, and way of life that is completely new to me. My day is spent at an emotional draining job where I work with homeless clients who all have their own stories and struggles and all I can do is listen and try to encourage them on their job searching even though there are times where it seems there are no doors opening for them. I then come home and try and figure out how I can explain what 3 plus 4 equals without giving the answer during tutoring time. During hang out time I am the ball referee, the mediator, the disciplinary, the nurse, and in all of this I don’t have enough eyes to see everything that happens. In our living spaces I have been placed with four other people all of whom were strangers to me before moving to Hollywood. We all have different ways of doing things, different tolerances, and our goal is to live intentionally together. On top of all of this I am in a state of personal growth and reflection along with trying to figure out what my next step is going to be after this year.

I feel on the outside I look like I have it all together. I show up to church events and give presentations with a smile on my face, but the truth is that I am struggling. I do have my moments where I just want to break down from all that I have seen. The reality of homelessness makes me want to scream and I want to cry for every struggle that our kids are having in school. I am sadden by the reality that there are neighborhoods less than five minutes from me where there are people who live comfortably and I have neighbors who have to work multiple jobs just to feed their families. And I am frustrated by the times when our intentional community is not placed as a priority. All of these different situations have brought stress and lately my body has let me know that I am stressed.

However, tonight the stress was washed away. It started with the first kid who came to tutoring. He brought a book to read. He had no homework, but he finally brought a book to read during quiet time. The next kid who came was new to the house this year and his mom wanted home to work on his reading comprehension. We sat there and did just that during homework time and I couldn’t help think what his mom would have done if DOOR was not present in this neighborhood. After homework time the back became the ultimate play zone. Basketballs were being thrown from all directions, a soccer ball was being passed back and forth and a Frisbee even got in the mix. Alex the monster came out and chased after the kids and horse rides were given and all were rolling around on the ground in laughter from being tickled.

At eight o’clock all of the kids left and a family came over for dinner. Our whole year we have been trying to reach out to the son in the family. He had grown close with the girls last year and had a hard time when they left so he has put up a wall to us since we have been here. He also has been hanging out with a rough group of kids and we have been struggling in trying to figure out how to reach out to him. Today he had to go to court to testify for something and his mom had to go with him. As we sat at the table before dinner she shared how hard it was to see all the different kids waiting for their turn to go before the judge and how frazzled the day made her. Before we eat the son said he wanted to say our prayer and he almost brought me to tears. He prayed for his mom and that she may feel better and for the realization that he never wants to end up in jail like the kids that he saw today. He thanked God for the people in his life that have helped him and he even mentioned all of us at the table.

Yes this year brings stress and emotions that we generally may not pay attention to, but it is nights like tonight that make it all worth it. It is hard to see and even know the impact that we are having on our neighborhood and the people at work, but it is the moments when they actually bring a book with them or when clients tell you about a job interview before I even ask that makes this year all worth it. We are here for one year but during this year we leave little fingerprints on those we come in contact with, especially the kids and hopefully all the fingerprints left by past and future Dwellers is what will help make an impact.